Trainwreck: My Life as an Idiot

I'm not going to lie, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Some of them have been funny, some of them have been embarrassing, and some of them have been downright idiotic. But hey, at least I can laugh at myself.

Trainwreck: My Life as an Idoit

by Jeff Nichols

4.1 out of 5

Language	:	English
File size	:	1023 KB
Text-to-Speech	:	Enabled
Screen Reader	:	Supported
Enhanced typesetting	:	Enabled
Word Wise	:	Enabled
Print length	:	258 pages

FREE

In this book, I'll share some of my most cringe-worthy moments, from the time I accidentally set my hair on fire to the time I got lost in a corn maze for three days. I'll also talk about the lessons I've learned along the way, and how I've managed to turn my life around from being a complete and utter trainwreck to someone who's actually kind of okay.

If you're looking for a laugh, or if you just need a reminder that you're not the only one who's made some bad choices, then this book is for you.

Chapter 1: The Hair Fire

I was 12 years old and bored out of my mind. My parents were out of town, and I had nothing to do. So, I decided to give myself a perm.

I had seen my mom do it a million times, and it looked so easy. I mean, how hard could it be? Just put some chemicals on your hair, wait a little while, and rinse it out. What could go wrong?

Well, as it turns out, a lot could go wrong.

I started by sectioning off my hair into four equal parts. Then, I applied the perm solution to each section, making sure to get it all the way down to my roots.

Once I had applied the solution, I covered my head with a plastic bag and waited for the magic to happen.

After 20 minutes, I took off the plastic bag and rinsed out the solution. I couldn't wait to see my new curls.

But when I looked in the mirror, I didn't see curls. I saw a frizzy, burnt mess.

I had left the perm solution on for too long, and it had fried my hair.

I was horrified. I didn't know what to do.

I tried to brush my hair, but it was no use. The brush just got stuck in the knots.

I tried to wash my hair again, but the shampoo wouldn't lather.

I was at my wit's end.

Finally, I decided to call my mom.

She came home and took one look at my hair and started laughing.

"Oh my god, honey," she said. "What did you do?"

I told her what had happened, and she just shook her head.

"Well, there's nothing we can do now," she said. "We'll just have to cut it all off."

And so, I got my first pixie cut. It wasn't the look I was going for, but it was better than having a head full of burnt hair.

I learned a valuable lesson that day: never try to do your own perm.

Chapter 2: The Lost Corn Maze

I was 16 years old and had just gotten my driver's license. I was so excited to be able to drive myself places, and I couldn't wait to explore.

One day, I decided to go to a corn maze with my friends.

We had so much fun running through the maze, getting lost, and trying to find our way out.

But then, the sun started to set, and we realized that we were lost.

We tried to find our way out, but we just kept getting more and more lost.

We were starting to get scared.

Finally, we saw a light in the distance.

We ran towards the light, and we were so relieved when we saw that it was the exit.

We had been lost in the corn maze for three days.

I learned a valuable lesson that day: never go into a corn maze without a map.

Chapter 3: The Time I Got Kicked Out of Class

I was 18 years old and in my first year of college.

I was taking a math class, and I was struggling.

One day, I was sitting in class, trying to understand the lesson.

But I couldn't focus. I kept thinking about all the things I had to do that day.

I had to go to work, I had to do laundry, and I had to meet up with a friend.

I was so distracted that I didn't even notice the professor calling on me.

"Mr. Smith," he said. "Can you solve this problem?"

I looked up at the board, and I saw a math problem that I had never seen before.

I panicked.

"I don't know," I said.

The professor sighed.

"Mr. Smith," he said. "This is a very basic problem. You should have been able to solve it without any help."

I felt my face getting red.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Well, you're not going to learn anything if you don't try," the professor said. "So, I'm going to ask you to leave class."

I was so embarrassed.

I got up and walked out of class, feeling like a complete idiot.

I learned a valuable lesson that day: never procrastinate on your homework.

Chapter 4: The Time I Got Arrested

I was 21 years old and had just graduated from college.

I was so excited to start my new job and move into my own apartment.

But then, I got arrested.

I was driving home from work one night when I got pulled over for speeding.

The police officer asked me for my license and registration.

I handed them to him, and he ran them through his computer.

A few minutes later, he came back to my car.

"Mr. Smith," he said. "There seems to be a warrant out for your arrest."

I was confused.

"A warrant?" I asked. "For what?"

"Failure to appear in court," he said.

I had forgotten all about it.

A few months earlier, I had gotten a ticket for jaywalking.

I had meant to pay the ticket, but I had forgotten.

And now, I was going to jail.

I was so scared.

I was taken to the police station and booked.

I spent the night in jail.

The next morning, I was released on bail.

I learned a valuable lesson that day: always pay your tickets.

Chapter 5: The Time I Met My Wife

I was 25 years old and working as a bartender.

One night, a woman came into the bar.

She was beautiful, and she had a great smile.

I asked her if she wanted a drink, and

Trainwreck: My Life as an Idoit

by Jeff Nichols

4.1 out of 5

Language	:	English
File size	:	1023 KB
Text-to-Speech	:	Enabled
Screen Reader	:	Supported
Enhanced typesetting	:	Enabled
Word Wise	:	Enabled
Print length	:	258 pages

FREE